Monday, April 28, 2014

Doggy love

I'm looking for a word to describe today. It was emotional, exhausting, comforting, transcending.

It started with my usual healing routine, oil pulling, net pot and yoga. I worked hard in my yoga practice to be present. I find that with my recent brain fog, it has been really hard to focus. I have become scattered brain again and constantly feel like I have a million little things I need to do. I lack the energy to keep up with all the things I want to accomplish, even with my kanban and lists. 

The hot shower was very relaxing but perhaps a bit too relax to start my day. I knew taking my senior dog to the vet would be an emotional event as he has had rapid weightloss in the last few weeks. 

I cried when I got to the room at the vet, even before the vet came in. I hadn't cry like that for a longtime. My denial has slowly transcend into acceptance that his time is really close. The last new pain meds didn't work. It was heartbreaking to see him in so much pain. I didn't the vet would have another option for pain management and expected for her to suggest end of life consideration. but was very compassionate and  suggested a new meds which will make him a bit groggy. I went to the drug to fill his presciption and came home with little expectations. My dog has a sensitive stomach and the last meds upset his stomach and cause him to soil inside the house.  I am please to report that the meds seem to be working and he is sleepy but a bit more mobile. 

End of life is a hard decision to make, but I had selfish thoughts of how I will be if I let him go! I had fear that I would go into a full flare. 

After all the errands, I was relieved to be home. I felt a sense of relief perhaps from my acceptance of what will come. I feel more at peace about the thought of letting him go. After I relaxed, I regained a bit clarify and was even able to complete a few tasks on my to do list. 

I have to admit that I am completely exhausted by dinner time. I didn't even want to eat. 

On my health note, I'm started taking an anti-inflammatory supplement that has turmeric and rosemary in it. It seems to be working. I had take when I first started having digestive problems but didn't seem to think it was helping. Perhaps it is working better now because I have done so much work in the past year to support my condition and there is acceptance now for it. 

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